"LinkedOUT"

After more than two weeks of trying to regain access to my "temporarily" suspended LinkedIn account, I now have a deeper appreciation for Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First?” routine—except in this version, the characters are algorithms, autoresponders, and rotating support staff.

The problem was an old account under my informal first name. That account's existence violated LinkedIn's policy of only one account per person when I opened a business account under my formal name and title. Easy to resolve (I thought). Delete the old account.

LinkedIn: Not so fast! You need to prove that you are the one who wants to recover a long-forgotten password. Verify your identity!

I’ve verified my identity more times than a secret agent.

LinkedIn: Invalid ID.

Then I realized. I have no government-issued ID with my informal name. Still, I remained undaunted. I filled out forms that led to other forms, which directed me to help pages that only added to my confusion. The Kafkaesque loop continued.

LinkedIn: Your appeal is under review. You will be contacted within 48 hours. (Aka, the check is in the mail.)

While I await liberation from LinkedIn limbo, I offer a few takeaways:

• Automated systems are no substitute for human judgment.

• Clear pathways to appeal decisions are essential for platforms.

• The Hackers and phishers responsible for this issue should receive life sentences upon apprehension. Subject to parole only when they get their LinkedIn account restored.

If anyone out there knows the secret handshake, a golden key, or just a functioning email address or phone number with a human on the other end, I am open to your suggestion, even if I must wait 48 hours...

Until then, I remain … LinkedOUT.